a blog?

i asked myself "why do you update this blog?". My reason when i started it, was to keep friends and family involved and up to date on my life. I wanted to share with them what God was doing while i was out in Okinawa.

Now that i am back in Michigan, and not actively involved in school or the ministry that was provided out there, i've started to wonder why i do some of the things i do. This blog was one of those questions

But i realized, i have this blog for the same reason as when i started it, my vision just blurred.

I don't post this to make myself look good, to impress people or to keep some "image" going. I sometimes like to tell myself that i have this super great image and i'm a really nice, outgoing person, but i'm not. I'm flawed.

But i've just found so much acceptance and love in Jesus recently, it doesn't even matter how flawed i am. I am completely accepted by Him, and am so content in Him, i find a deep assurance there in Him.

I post this as a witness to others and a reminder to myself when i look back, that He is always working in my life. And also to keep showing that He cares for a person like me: lazy and flawed, trying to change slowly.

i recently got my wisdom teeth out (just yesterday actually), and it was quite horrifying...(i really hate needles and operations). i was a bit traumatized when i found out i would be awake for it, and fretted over it in the weeks leading up to it. I got a nice distraction when i visited my friend kaela the three days before it took place.

The day i went in, as i started getting the shots (which "HURT", not make me feel "PRESSURE" ahaha they should just describe it how it is i think), i couldn't stop shaking. i could barely hold the pamphlet the woman gave me while she talked me through the next part of the procedure and after-care. while it was going on (the teeth-removal part) all i could do to stay calm was to keep my un-focusing eyes and thoughts on Jesus. I hummed (not too loudly) a song i realyl love through the operation, and it really helped.

the whole three days before and the day of, i didn't have a time in His word. He gave me a sweet heart check while i was visiting my friend, but i hadn't been in His word. Normaly, i do a good job of beating myself up over missing those times with Him, but after this surgery i wasn't really in the "mood" for beating myself up about it. I figured "i'll do that later". Now i clearly understand that my reading His word does NOT gain me goodness, or any special points with Him. But its important to me, and Him, and i know i need it.

But this time, i found no place for that, but this amazing overwhelming feeling of His love. I just felt completely and totally in love with Him. It was just amazing, so precious. and it wasn't because of anything i did, i wasn't even in His word that day. I just loved Him. He was there with me no matter what, and cared for me.

Psalm 119:71-72

I don't know how to explain that. He's just amazing.

Psalm 119:41-48

I get so upset with how hard it is to keep His commandments sometimes, that i forget that i love them. I love the way He commands me to love, its such a beautiful love! There is none other like it! It makes it so much lighter and not burden some when i realize i just love Him, and thats okay.

Psalm 139:16-18

He really loves me. the days fashioned for me, there all there with Him. He made them, i can't wait to find out what lies in the days before me ^_^

Here are some pictures:

(me and izzy had a Japanese lesson together "bento benkyo bento shimasu!!!")

(of course some artwork happened)

(i spelled egg wrong i think)

(we listened to a bible teaching on sunday morning, David Guzik!)

(my grandma gave me instant cooked bacon)

(cool old doodle i found going through stuff. appareantly studying was hard that day for me)

(i got this on one of my flights back, this is for you Tom Cotton)

(at kaela's house, her little sister, herself, and me. I don't know why they hang out with me)

[for friends in Japan]

(aannddd the car ride after my teeth were taken out. lotsa gauze stuffed in my cheeks, i couldn't focus my eyes either, straight on i was cross eyed ahaha)

thanks for listening ^_^ thanks for your prayers (alot)

-'manda God bless you all, He loves you dearly